


Spaceballs - The Marvel Remix

by pinkimartini



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spaceballs (1987), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Space, F/M, Loki Does What He Wants
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 15:26:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6158080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkimartini/pseuds/pinkimartini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Planet Spaceball, led by the incompetent President Skroob, has wasted all of its air. Skroob schemes to steal air from the neighboring planet Druidia by kidnapping Princess Vespa, the daughter of King Roland on the day of her arranged wedding to the narcoleptic Prince Thor. Skroob sends the villainous Loki to complete this task with Spaceball One. Before they can arrive, Princess Vespa abandons her marriage and flees the planet in her personal Mercedes spaceship along with her Droid of Honor, Dot Matrix.</p>
<p>King Roland contacts mercenary Star-Lord and his team of A-holes: Rocket Raccoon, Gamora, Drax, and the tree-like humanoid Groot, offering a lucrative reward to retrieve Princess Vespa before she is captured.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spaceballs - The Marvel Remix

**Author's Note:**

> This work does not have a beta, but drop me a line if you are interested in assisting as this will be a multi-chapter fic. Thanks!

Somewhere in a distant realm, not so far away...

Princess Vespa is known for her tardiness. It is well documented the Princess was born two weeks past her intended arrival. Her late queen mother was also known to run behind on schedule. This would not be an issue on any other day, but as it is her wedding day, her father is not happy. King Roland has been pacing outside the door of her suite. The sounds of the human songstress known as Taylor Swift emit from the closed door. He has yet to knock on the door as he does not have confirmation of his bargaining chip, one personal Mercedes spaceship that is due to arrive within minutes. 

His darling Vespa is not happy with the arranged marriage between her and the narcoleptic Prince Thor from the realm of Asgard. It was a little known fact, the God of Thunder had one small issue, he fell asleep without warning. Vespa learned of this during a meeting of the families. While Thor had intentions of a simple walk among the gardens with his soon to be wife, he did not expect to fall asleep mid-conversation. It also is worth mentioning, Thor dropped Mjolnir on the edge of Vespa's dress, causing it to tear in a most daring way. The King would have liked to have chuckled, but the Princess had shrieked so loud, it had caused glasses to shatter. He would have broken the agreement, but the All Father, Odin was not one to mess with. His thoughts were broken at the sound of his page speaking.

"King Roland, it is here." 

A short blond man appears before the King with a set of keys displaying the Mercedes logo. The King has never looked so grateful. He takes the keys and dismisses the young man, just as he knocks on the door to Vespa's suite. The music halts at once and the door slides open dramatically. King Roland is met with his daughters robot and Droid of Honor, Dot Matrix. She is highly intelligent and sounds just like the human comedian, Joan Rivers. King Roland wonders if the droid might just be the comedian herself. 

"Your highness, I am happy that you have arrived. Princess Vespa refuses to get dressed. She has programmed me to play Taylor Swift's 1989 album on repeat. There is only so many times a droid can listen to the laments of a young woman singing about 'Bad Blood.' Please, speak with her or my circuits just may blow!"

King Roland watches as the droid shuffles off, but not before she is programmed to play the sounds of another human songstress, one called Demi Lovato. The King is starting to wonder if sending the Princess to Earth for school was a good idea. He isn't sure she learned anything as a fashion merchandising students save for how to spend heaps of coin. He takes a deep breath and finds his daughter hiding under a large white duvet cover. He clears his throat. 

"I will not marry him, father! He's a brute that is all brawn and no brain! I will not marry him!"

Her dark hair had an intricate braid that had come loose from hiding beneath her blankets. Vespa's large blue eyes looked red from her tears. He wished she would be more complacent of the weddings. There were worst choices for a husband. Odin had made sure to give his daughter the best of his two sons. No one spoke of the adopted son, Loki. He couldn't have his daughter marry a war criminal. 

"My dear Vespa, the agreement was made and there is nothing we can do about it. The All Father and his family has arrived. You will marry Prince Thor this day."

"You can't make me! I will not marry him! I don't even love him. Isn't that important when you marry someone? You loved mother."

She was right. Love was important. His own wife was a woman he loved with all his heart. He wished she was here for this day. Maybe she would have the right words to comfort their daughter. King Roland saw much of his wife in Vespa's looks, but her stubbornness was all him. He inwardly chuckled and took a seat at the foot of the bed. 

"You're right, dear. Love is important. Times were different when I married your mother. We didn't have the worries that your generation faces. Druidia and Asgard can be a wonderful match. They have pledged their fighters should we have problems with Planet Spaceball. As you know their air quality is terrible. Druidia has the best natural air. We cannot have the worry they will invade. No, we need the help of Asgard and the All Father."

Vespa fell back onto the large pillows surrounding her small frame and scrunched her face. The tears would no doubt begin to fall once more. The King did not wish to see his daughter cry and so, he did what any father would do to stop their child from crying. 

"Dry your eyes, my dear. I've decided you can have your wedding gift before the wedding."

The King beamed a smile in her direction before shaking the keys in front of her. He saw the twinkled appear in her eyes and just like that, the tears were gone. She snatched the keys from his grasp and threw her arms around him. 

"Thank you, father! Oh! I'm so happy!" 

The King was thrilled his daughter had dried her eyes and would walk down the aisle. If only all troubles could be solved with luxury spaceships. 

***

"Tell me again about this plan of yours."

Loki's hands are clasped behind his back as President Skroob paces before him. The jailer's cuffs are loose and he could easily magic them away, but chooses to let this fool of a leader believe in falsities. He isn't sure how he landed in their cells, but it likely had to do with opening the vents to allow air to the people. He's not a complete monster and still does not know Skroob's intentions for sucking all the air from this planet. 

"It seems your father has made an agreement with Druidia. A pre-arranged marriage between your brother and Roland's brat daughter, Vespa."

He couldn't recall Roland's daughter, but if she was anything like her mother--the girl had to be beautiful. He didn't think Thor would ever agree to marriage, especially when he still carried a torch for his human, Jane Foster. How they had convinced him to marry Vespa was beyond him. Unless of course she was stacked in the bosoms as Thor seemed to gravitate toward. 

"Oh, is she a comely girl?"

Skroob pauses in his steps and turns to look at him with a faint look of disgust. Oh, maybe this is why he had never seen her. The girl was a beast. 

"If your type has a sharp tongue and tendency to spend all the coin in the realm, then yes I suppose."

"So, why should I care?"

"Steal the girl and I'll forgive your little trick back at the wind farm. Have your way with the girl, I don't care. This can be a middle finger to your dad and idiot brother."

"Skroob, what do you get out of this?"

"Fresh air, obviously. Have you seen this place? Everything is dying. My people are on a spaceship traveling from planet to planet."

Loki still doesn't quite understand what he's supposed to do with a spoiled Princess. He could play with her for a bit, then send her back home with a broken heart. It's been awhile since he's had a girl and he just really cannot stand Odin. He still hasn't forgiven him for all but handing Thor the kingdom. How could a narcoleptic rule Asgard?

***

The sounds of ELO’s Mr. Blue Sky filled the Milano as Peter and his crew traveled through the galaxy. Rocket was working on some space junk he lifted from Tivan’s shop. As much as the raccoon swore he was merely borrowing the music player that was a called an iPod, the truth is he stole it, because he liked it.

“It plays music and as much as I love the Awesome Playlist, I don’t think anyone would complain about some new tunes.”

Peter knew Rocket meant well and so he grinned his way.

“Whatever, just don’t destroy this one and blame Drax.”

At this moment, Drax strolled through and lifted Rocket from the work station.

“I destroyed nothing that was not broken. The device which you say plays music was merely emitting a high pitch wail that sounded like a drowning animal. The silence was an improvement”

Rocket squirmed in Drax’s grasp before the larger man set him down.

“Yeah, yeah…admit it you aren’t a fan of pop music.”

Drax gave a puzzling look from Rocket to Peter before replying.

“The music did not pop, it screeched.”

Peter bit back a smile and shook his head.

“It’s a style of music. Back on Terra, it is very popular with young people. You know what, it’s not a big deal. We have a new music player now and will have new music soon enough.”

At that moment, there was a crackle from the iPod as it made a spluttering sound before giving out. Rocket smacked is forehead and set the device down.

“It seems, this one burned out. Never fear, I will have it fixed in no time.”

There was a collective groan from the group as Gamora signaled Peter from the cockpit. Since they had essentially saved Xandar from Ronan, the group had a series of adventures. Yondu had always been one step behind them after Peter had switched out the stone for a troll doll. For the first time, Yondu didn’t follow his own teachings and checked the merchandise when it had been given to him. Still, he was not ready to travel at warp speed to get away from Yondu. After a visit with Tivan, the group had decided it was time for a short vacation in Druidia.

“I’m thrilled we are taking a much needed break. I’ve been looking forward to enjoying the beaches on Druidia. Groot can finally stretch his roots instead of hanging out in the planter. It will just be nice to have fresh air for once.”

“I couldn’t agree more. It’s time we all kick back and relax. Yondu is back on Xen and we’re about to have our own zen.”

Peter liked to hear Gamora laugh. It reminded him of better times and he hoped they would finally have the calm they all so needed. Druidia would be that place for now. His thoughts came to abrupt halt at the sound of a mayday call. Gamora tapped into it as a worried voice came through.

“Oh, thank goodness you answered the call, Star-Lord! My daughter is missing and feared to be kidnapped by the trickster god, Loki.”

Peter and Gamora’s gazes locked. The vacation on Druidia would have to wait. The team was needed. With a heavy sigh, Peter picked up the radio to talk when another call came through.

“Peter Quill! My favorite Terran! It seems to me that we need to have a little talk. You see, I’m sitting on a beach looking at the beautiful water here in Druidia, and awaiting your arrival.”

Peter cursed under his breath as the line beeped and King Roland’s video came through.

“Star-Lord? Are you hearing me? I can offer ten million spacebucks for the return of my daughter, Princess Vespa. Can you do the job?”

Gamora sucked in her breath at the buck amount. They had all put in for the vacation in Druidia and would be short on funds once it was over. Ten million spacebucks would get them a long way. They could even upgrade the Milano’s comm system and get actual digital airwaves.

Rocket sauntered up and onto the armrest where Peter sat holding the radio.

“What’s this I hear about ten million spacebucks?”

A small voice came from the planter sitting beside Gamora.

“I am Groot.”

Even if he was silent, they knew Drax was nearby listening.

“If we do this, it means we won’t have a vacation on Druidia. I know we’re beat after chasing down those Dark Elves, but if we all agree…we could earn some good spacebucks. What do you say?”

King Roland’s worried voice was cutting through.

“Star-Lord?”

Yondu’s shouts were cutting through the line.

“I think the choice is pretty clear, Peter.” Gamora snatched the radio from his hands and answered the King’s question. “We’re on it, your highness.”


End file.
